but i will stop you.
bet on that !
red like roses,
fills my head
my kin memories are stored here. there are quite a lot for some kins, and less for others.
please bear in mind that there are some kins on here that are unlisted on my bio. there are also a lot of kins in general. i am comfy with doubles for all of my kins but ruby rose.
also- let me know if, for any reason, content on here makes it so you must soft. just favorite the softing comment on my first post.
thank you so much for reading. you can press the below button to proceed to my memories.
with dreams
and finds me
ruby rose of rwby
found: qrow, blake, jaune, roman.
important: yang, nora, ren.
appearance + self
♥️ i was asexual and greyromantic.
♥️ my only real affections were for jaune-- i never pursued them... i was always nervous about the idea of upsetting him, or losing him, or just downright overwhelming him after the loss of pyrrha. it just didn't feel worth it, as strong as my feelings were. having him at all, & having him happy, was more important to me.
♥️ i was autistic, and had generalized anxiety disorder. social anxiety was strong in this one.
♥️ i also developed ptsd after the fall of beacon-- seeing roman & pyrrha die right in front of me, losing penny, seeing my sister without her arm... all of that affected me more than i could handle. i kept my head up high but i was plagued with flashbacks, regular anxiety tremors, and fits in the night.
♥️ my cloak was oversized compared to the cloak in the show! the hood was very large and the overall body of my cape was nearly enough to drag the ground. post- the fall of beacon, it had even more tears in it than the show displays, too.
♥️ when i was really sad, i would curl up in my cloak with the hood pulled over my head to basically entirely cover me. it made me feel a lot better to be surrounded like that.
♥️ i was a silver-eyed warrior, not a maiden. uncle qrow would never lie to me about that, and my powers are nothing like the four maidens'. stop.
♥️ my favorite foods were candy, ramen, rice in general, noodles... most seafood (a side effect of growing up on patch, hehe). cookies n strawberries too !!
♥️ i was very affectionate and open about my love when it came to the people i trusted & cared about. if i considered you friend or family, i held you very near to me, and could even be a little bit smothery at times with how huggy and cuddly i got. i just wanted people to know i loved them !! because i loved my entire team so much, loved my family, loved my friends. every single one of them.
♥️ with strangers, i was basically the opposite. withdrawn and anxious with physicality. i was always bubbly and carefree, very friendly! but i couldn't really be touchy-feely. basically, i was the low-end of an extrovert-- being around people made me super happy!! but i was also similtaneously Anxiety.
♥️ i had a really really close attachment to my cloak. it was like a comfort item. it reminded me a lot of mom. that's why i couldn't get rid of it, even as it got torn up from fighting grimm and traveling.
♥️ i felt like i had to be strong + immovable because i was a leader and the person everyone looked to for optimism. i felt very fake sometimes, like all of my smiles would become forced and all of my laughter tight. because i felt like i had to pretend, because if the bright little rose wilted, everyone else would too.
yang xiao long
♥️ i can still remember yang reading me stories about heroes && the grimm && all sorts of amazing things, sitting on my bed and letting me lay against her. sometimes i'd put my head on her stomach and fall asleep mid-story and she'd have to move me so she could leave oops
♥️ people constantly asked yang if she was my 'real sister' since our last names were different. sometimes i'd help her with wrapping her knuckles up in clean bandages.
♥️ i was certain that yang hated me after the fall of beacon. 'sometimes bad things just happen, ruby'; 'you can do whatever you want'. it felt like she wanted me to leave and never come back.. .
♥️ i loved her so much. more than anything. i looked up to her a ridiculous amount. all i wanted was to be as cool and as confident and as strong as my big sister!
♥️ i'm pretty sure she and blake were together. that, or they were at least majorly crushing on each other.
taiyang xiao long
♥️ sunny. in a word-- my dad was always so sunny.
♥️ except when he wasn't. when i'd see him in the kitchen late at night with a drink, when i'd hear him mumbling to himself words i couldn't understand whilst folded over the sink. i never told him i saw him like that. he liked being sunny. i wanted to let him be sunny.
♥️ my dad kind of had a habit of telling me lies. nothing too crazy, it was always the kind of 'i'm being vague to protect you' thing. really, it just felt like he was always smothering me. he knew i was strong and capable but he also still saw me as his little girl? a mix of the two that always seemed so impossible yet he still managed.
♥️ uncle qrow and my dad fought a lot. not every day or anything, but often enough that it was clear they had problems. they tried to keep it away from yang and i but the house was never that big and they sometimes could get loud. i never really understood what they were talking about, though. i just got the feeling that they weren't always as friendly as they wanted people to think they were. not to say they didn't care about each other, because they definitely did? they just... also had a lot of issues.
♥️ sometimes i wondered if it was because of mom. or yang's mom.
♥️ dad didn't want me to go to signal. he never told me why. he acted like it'd be a death sentence or something. now that i know about mom and our silver eyes, it makes sense ...
qrow branwen
♥️ (see taiyang & raven memories) +
♥️ i always wanted to be just like uncle qrow. that's why i studied under him, why i built a scythe, why i clung so closely to him at signal. why my fighting style ended up being so close to his. dad taught me patience, and more about my aura... but uncle qrow was the cornerstone of everything else. he made me who i was, battle-wise.
♥️ i never called him "qrow", only "uncle qrow".
♥️ there was a training accident at signal. it was the one time i'd finally convinced him to spar with me. he'd always refused, had me go with the other students, but i wanted to fight scythe to scythe. i don't remember too much of what happened, just that things went really awry and that it hurt really bad.
♥️ "you're gonna be fine, kid. i promise. it's okay to rest. you'll feel better when you wake up."
"you can't know that, uncle qrow."
"kid, you're too smart. but ... look, while i may not be able to tell the truth about everything, i promise that i'd never joke around about takin' care of you."
♥️ he was really, really important to me. i was always so happy when he came to visit in his off time.
♥️ i remember how proud he was of me when i showed him the completed crescent rose and it just !!! makes me so happy he's so cool i love him i love him!!!
summer rose
♥️ (see 'me' memories) +
♥️ when they told me my mom was gone, i didn't believe it. i didn't believe it for basically a full month. i sat staring at the front door most days just waiting for her to walk through... i was convinced that everyone was just wrong, that she was perfectly okay and that they had to be telling me lies. heh.. ...
♥️ i was always 'miss rose', 'summer's daughter'. sometimes i wondered if people saw me for me, or only saw my mother. especially once i started going to beacon.
♥️ i wish i could just be my own person.
raven branwen
♥️ i never really learned anything about her. dad didn't like talking about it.
♥️ uncle qrow got kinda mad at me the one time i tried to ask him. he told me she 'wasn't any of my business'. i got all teary, and he sighed and said, more calmly, that she just 'isn't the kind of person you need to be thinking about, kid'.
zwei
♥️ zwei loved to lay on my belly whenever i was in bed. he was the cuddliest little thing. and if i'd turn on my side, he'd push himself up against my abdomen and lay there, with my body around him.
♥️ best dog. #1 favorite dog. perfect dog. good boy.
blake belladonna
♥️ (see yang memories) +
♥️ i'd take regular "cat naps" with blake hehe. i liked to scratch behind her ears. she would always get flustered about it but i know she enjoyed it.
♥️ i think she had a lot of problems that she didn't like to talk about.
♥️ i just tried to be there for her when i could.
♥️ she was more olive in skintone than in the show. she also had some scars.
♥️ i tried to buy her some new bows once? she looked really flattered but never wore them. sometimes i'd see them in her sock drawer. i understood that she just liked her one bow the most, it didn't bother me-- it really just made me feel good, the fact that she kept them at all !! hehe.. . it meant she liked them even if she didn't want to wear them
weiss schnee
♥️ most of my memories with weiss involve her scolding me. that was most of our relationship if i'm honest, haha. not in a bad way... . she held herself to really high standards and it bled into other people, mainly me. being partners, we worked with each other even more than with yang or blake (the other pair of partners), and our relationship was basically just lots of her yelling pfft.
♥️ but she was always so helpful. she just didn't know how to get it across without being really aggressive, which i figure is just her way of dealing? i always thought it was kind of sweet. like, that she cared so much about me & what i was doing that she'd put so much energy into trying to fix it. sometimes, sure, she could be really mean and we'd fight. but sometimes i deserved a good whack y'know? i could be really ditzy heh...
♥️ she'd stay up late a lot of nights to help me with my assignments... i could eventually make her coffee with my eyes closed. i'd help her, too-- though less often. she was always so talented, didn't usually need my help. it made me really happy when she did tho!! 'cause i could give her a little back for all the help she'd given me!!
♥️ i remember one time when i twisted her ponytail up into a pretty braid while she was sleeping and she nearly fried me with fire dust once she woke up oops! but it looked cute!!
jaune arc
♥️ (see 'me' memories) +
♥️ especially after the fall of beacon, jaune and i got pretty close. we were pretty open with each other about things (save my weird feelings for him..). sometimes one or both of us would be talking about bad stuff and get emotional, and we'd hold each other. i liked to put my head on his chest... he was really warm, his arms sturdy, even if he wasn't the strongest guy around. he liked to set his chin lightly on my head and we'd just drink up each others' presence. it was always really nice.
♥️ one time i dragged a stool over to where jaune was standing? and i climbed up onto it?? just to ruffle his hair. he thought it was cute. it was fun !!
♥️ i sometimes would help jaune with his aura, like pyrrha had. i didn't know nearly as much about it as she did, and-- i didn't do it to replace her!! never! i would never want to even try to replace pyrrha in any way. but jaune asked for my help, and i tried my best.
♥️ jaune was just very important to me, like extremely important i cared about him very much
nora valkyrie
♥️ she was always so fiercely protective of those she cared about. i always admired that!
♥️ her voice was always loud. sometimes i wondered if she had hearing issues? but i didn't mind it! her enthusiasm was infectious.
♥️ i loved doing team moves with her !! it made me feel so close to her. she was a good friend!
♥️ she and ren were qpps! they could've been romo maybe but i feel like i remember them being qpps?
lie ren
♥️ ren had amazing aura-sensing capabilities. he could sense someone from forever away. that was how he sensed tyrian.
♥️ he was just so cool!! i admired him so much. so quiet and mysterious and Rad.
♥️ i liked to braid his hair too.. ... he always gave me weird looks but let me do it anyway?? what a nice guy
♥️ he liked to make flower crowns !! i'd wear them all the time
♥️ i related to him heavily in that we were both severely traumatized, but doing our best to hide it almost seamlessly. i don't know that i ever talked to him directly about it, though.
penny polendina
♥️ i kept penny's sword after the fall of beacon. the one that i fought the nevermore with. i never fought with it again, but i carried it from the moment i finished the grimm off.
♥️ i think i had a qpp crush on her ?? o: i don't really know affections are weIRD
♥️ she gave really nice hugs (when she wasn't crushing your insides haha)!
♥️ i liked to play with her hair! it felt really real, believe it or not.
professor ozpin
♥️ honestly i really respected ozpin, he was a very talented guy with a lot on his plate.
♥️ he was very soft-spoken. i don't know that i ever heard him yell. sometimes i wondered if he even could.
♥️ he was one of those people that just felt trustworthy. like, they radiated honesty.
♥️ it helped that my uncle qrow also believed in him, and i 100% trusted my uncle.
♥️ his hair always looked very soft. but it was never quite combed clean. i imagine he pulled at it some due to stress.
misc. memories
♥️ i wanted to make a memorial for all of those who died at the battle for beacon once everything calmed down. it just seemed right.
♥️ what made me leave with the remaining jnpr members was the fact that... if i was supposed to be this silver-eyed warrior thing, i couldn't just lay around and do nothing. i had to get out there and help somehow. i had to use my powers to change things. plus.. .. home just didn't feel as welcoming anymore. yang wasn't the same, she acted like she hated me, like she wanted nothing to do with me. dad was always so nice, but also smothering. so the moment my body felt near enough ready, i left.
♥️ traveling with rnjr was always fun because we were so closely knit. i needed them in more ways than one after everything with rwby. they made me feel like part of a family again. it was with them that i realized just how much i needed a team beside me. i missed weiss, blake, and yang more than anything... i needed to get them back, and soon. but rnjr was so good to me in the time between. i loved them all so much.
♥️ patch is tiny miss me with that "two weeks" shit pls i am an innocent that had no concept of distance
♥️ tyrian :/
♥️ uhhhh team wtch sucks [backflips out of the room]
if these memories sound familiar, please go to @teamrnjr on vent and comment "petal storm".
kenny mccormick
of south park
found: craig, stan.
important: kyle.
♥️ to be added,
♥️ still watching seasons.
if these memories sound familiar, please go to @teamrnjr on vent and comment "smashed halo".
mabel pines
of gravity falls
found: stan.
important: dipper, ford.
♥️ i was a cis girl. as i grew older, i became pretty certain that i was pansexual & panromantic.
♥️ i had adhd, autism, and gad. possibly some depressive symptoms. i also had sensory processing disorder, primarily affecting my sense of touch (hyposensitive).
♥️ i had a heavy fear of abandonment, mostly centered around dipper, almost certainly because of what happened with great uncle ford's offered apprenticeship. it wasn't made any easier coupled with the knowledge of what happened between grunkle stan and great uncle ford ... and who i clearly was in that scenario.
♥️ i was always terrified of being left because i wasn't good enough, or because i was too weird or too annoying. lots of things, really.
♥️ dipper was a trans boy! he came out to me before anybody else. i was a little confused at first, but he explained it to me, and i did tons and tons of research until i understood !! he was super safe with me. i always made sure he took care of himself, and i helped him convince mom and dad to get him hormone blockers.
♥️ i always made sure he bound safely !! i made him cough every few hours and asked him how he felt.
♥️ i was definitely closer to grunkle stan than great uncle ford, but i loved both of them very much. i didn't really resent great uncle ford for his offer to dipper. i understood it.
♥️ grunkle stan and i would do lots of stuff together! we liked similar things, laughed at similar stuff.
♥️ we would nap together on the couch while watching ducktective or other fun shows we liked.
♥️ when we came back to gravity falls the next summer, i got grunkle stan to teach me self-defense. he bought me a pair of brass knuckles to keep, i just had to promise not to take them to school, even if someone was picking on dipper.
♥️ great uncle ford taught me how to use a crossbow properly, too! it was a lot like my grappling hook, only the bolts don't come back.
♥️ i took really good care of my grappling hook. whenever it got cracks in it or rusted in places, i'd cover those marks up with colorful ducktape or bandages. i didn't want to make grunkle stan give me a new one when it was just little marks. i liked the patchwork look anyway!
♥️ i was always getting little cuts and scrapes, i kept colorful bandaids in my bag. i was always wearing at least one or two, if not upwards of five.
♥️ i started to wear my hair in loose braids since it was getting a little too much in my way, especially on adventures. either a looser french braid or two pigtail braids, always kind of messy and done up with bright hairbands. they almost always didn't match.
♥️ my collection of socks almost started to rival my sweater collection.
♥️ give me a cute pair of knee-high socks, some jean shorts, and a comfy sweater, and i'm set. sneakers or flats match nicely.
♥️ i also really liked headbands, hairpins, and bracelets. not so much rings, necklaces were nice. i preferred gold over silver, but i still wore silver and thought it was pretty.
♥️ i was pretty obsessed with space, esp in my teen years. stars all over everything, planets and moons etc. necklaces and charms that had something to do with space or aliens.
♥️ dipper and i continued going on adventures and doing investigations back home, but there wasn't too much activity there, unfortunately. some ghosts. they were fun at least
♥️ we had our own journals made, both of them with silver detailing instead of gold. his had a pine tree and the book was blue, and mine had a shooting star and the book was pink.
♥️ i did a lot of drawings and descriptions, more tactile things, whereas dipper did summaries and factual things. we combined our information to make awesome entries. we supported the other twin where they lacked, and combined ... well, that's why we were the mystery twins !!
♥️ back to the emotional stuff though because i can't stay happy for too long apparently oops
♥️ dipper was pretty upset after the thing with the portal. we had a fight about it. he accused me of not trusting him, said that i would've killed us all. and maybe he was right about that second part, because sure, i could've been wrong. but the first part is wrong, because i trusted dipper completely.
♥️ i just didn't want to believe that grunkle stan didn't love us, because if he didn't, no one did.
♥️ our parents were never ... all that bad, but they weren't really around. they didn't really pay much attention to us. they sort of just let us do whatever we wanted. we had a decent amount of money, so we never went hungry or anything. but our parents really just ... didn't care too much about us, or our interests, or what we were up to in school, or anything like that.
♥️ grunkle stan complimented my knitting, watched tv shows with me and my friends. bought dipper notebooks and pens. on top of that, he kept a photo of us on the desk in his 'secret lab'. why would he have done all of those things if he was just a con? why would he place a photo of us, the people he was "just pretending to love", where we'd never see it anyway, if he was a con man?
♥️ that was enough for me. that, plus the fact that, like i said ... if he didn't love us, no one did. and i didn't know if i could live with that.
♥️ so maybe it was selfish. maybe it was awful. maybe i could've destroyed everything just because i didn't want to be wrong. but can you blame a fucking twelve year old girl that had already seen too damn much for someone her age? or anyone of any age, for that matter?
♥️ speaking of seeing things ... i had nightmares about bill sometimes, usually in the form of 'bipper'. those dreams always scared the hell out of me.
♥️ i always felt a lot of guilt about the whole bipper thing. but dipper was also being a bit of a jerk beforehand? but i also kept breaking promises. it was a mess.
♥️ i also fully blamed myself for weirdmageddon, but never told anyone. i never told anyone what happened at all, actually. and no one ever really asked. i just let them believe that the globe broke in a scuffle with bill, or whatever it was that they thought happened.
♥️ i liked the bubble because summer didn't have to end, and i didn't have to face the harsh reality of a world without dipper. (those abandonment issues.)
if these memories sound familiar, please go to @teamrnjr on vent and comment "shooting star".
sakura futaba of persona 5
found: ryuji.
important: yusuke, sojiro, akira.
♥️ to be added,
♥️ still collecting memories.
if these memories sound familiar, please go to @teamrnjr on vent and comment "promise list".
mal bertha of descendants
found: jay, carlos.
important: evie, ben.
♥️ my full name was maleficent bertha faery.
♥️ i was only allowed to call myself “mal”, not “maleficent”, because my mother felt i had not “earned” the right to call myself that. i was “not evil enough”.
♥️ by the time that i was living in auradon full-time, i found myself not really wanting to take on the name, anyway, so i just kept going by mal. so, technically, my name was mal bertha faery.
♥️ my mother didn’t see me as a separate person to her. ever. hence why i didn’t even really get a different name from her. at the end of the day, i was just an extension of her. a means to an evil end. a way for her to live on. she didn’t love me, because i was just a tool. never once did i hear those words from her. she thought it was “better to never love, than to be loved”.
♥️ i had no sense of identity. legitimately … none. i was just “maleficent’s daughter”. and, once that sort of fell apart, there was nothing else. i didn’t know who i was. because i flat-out just-- wasn’t? anything? i wasn’t a person. i didn’t feel like a person.
♥️ my mother hated parties. i was never allowed to have a birthday party, even before the evil queen ‘neglected’ to invite myself and my mother to evie’s. and even after.
♥️ my mother couldn’t stand the mere thought of happiness or joy. even my own. she would grab my face when i smiled with any sincerity and squeeze until it was gone. i was only allowed grimaces and smirks.
♥️ i was convinced that i was ugly, to the point where i could not stand the sight of my own reflection. even the smallest imperfections felt massive. in this day and age, i probably would’ve been diagnosed with some form of bdd.
♥️ i liked it dark, and liked my mirrors covered. i liked clothes that covered as much skin as possible. I liked when my hair fell in my face, because it would lessen the chance of some reflective surface revealing any of my features to me.
♥️ i had this unshaking paranoia that my mother could see me at all times. if you thought most of the isle residents were terrified of her … most of all, i was.
♥️ i remember being pretty unsettled by the other vks’ parents, too. cruella was an actual witch. she treated carlos like less than mud. if i’d been braver, maybe i would’ve done something to help him sooner. i suppose everything worked out alright, though.
♥️ jay was the vk i spent the most time with before we formed our little group (ie. i made all of them help me … .). after that, it was probably evie, but still jay and carlos plenty. i cared about them all so much. even when i didn’t know what love was, i felt it for them.
♥️ i had severe ptsd, generalized anxiety, and abysmal self-esteem. and aforementioned bdd-like symptoms.
♥️ i was nonbinary (agender), but femme in presentation, so i used she/they pronouns. i was bisexual biromantic.
♥️ i had a romantic relationship with both ben and evie, for sure. it was a consensual and very comfortable polyamorous relationship. i feel like we might’ve also been all pda-y with the other vks (jay and carlos), but im not absolutely certain whether or not that meant we were all sort of dating, or if we were just all happy to be so close to one another, or what.
♥️ tbh i just remember smooching carlos
♥️ i was pretty stingy with kisses at first. definitely didn’t really give any until after that first one with ben. but then it was just sort of figuring out what i was comfortable with.
♥️ affection was very hard. i had no idea how to be affectionate with someone. the others seemed so much more inclined, especially evie. but it … almost scared me. im so lucky i had such amazing people around me to help me figure things out.
♥️ carlos was a trans boy
♥️ harry hook and gil were gay and dating
♥️ i was extremely tiny. i probably only weighed about 110ish, if not less, and i was roughly only five feet tall. faeries were supposed to be small, i guess.
♥️ as much as i can appreciate the straight hair in the film, i don’t remember it. i think the kiddo did something curlier to my hair, maybe the same color but more messy.
♥️ i was getting more comfortable with my appearance then, hence the shorter sleeves and the trying out new styles. i definitely wasn’t perfectly comfortable by any means, i still really struggled with my appearance, but i was trying, mostly with the help of evie.
♥️ god i fucking loved evie though guys
♥️ for the rough start we had, she was such a beautiful person. i enjoyed being with her. she was the friend i’d wished i had when i was growing up on the isle. we fit so well together. she was the stormy clouds to my crashing thunder. softer-looking, but fierce, and could hit you like a downpour. perfectly capable. and so much steadier than my staggered bolts across a violet sky.
♥️ she always dreamed of auradon. that was why i couldn’t let her stay with me on the isle.
♥️ but if all of that is the case, then ben was my sun.
♥️ ben was relief. fresh air. warmth. he was soft in all of the right ways. and god, i cannot believe that he knew what was happening all along, from the moment that enchanted lake washed away my spell.
♥️ he eventually admitted to me that audrey had not really been his choice. that he had ended up with her because of pressure from their parents, and because she was the “smart choice”. which, i suppose, is why he’d been more receptive to what was happening with me.
♥️ seeing that place, with him there, the boy from my strange dream? it felt like either destiny, or some cruel trick. i didn’t know what to think.
♥️ and when i thought he was drowning, i jumped. a selfless act by someone who knew she could not swim. and yet, i did it anyway. for him.
♥️ i also had flings with uma and harry while i lived on the aisle. i call them “flings” bc, like evie said, i’ve never really done the love thing before. it just wasn’t something i was capable of.
♥️ my favorite (auradon) foods were strawberries, most fruity candies, most sour candies, potato chips, licorice, popcorn. i really liked sandwiches, particularly cold ones with turkey. lettuce, tomatoes, mayo, cheese… the works. i liked to stuff chips in there, too. i think my favorite proper meals ended up being smaller/less busy things, like shellfish, or chicken strips, or soups. simple stuff that also wasn’t necessarily too heavy.
♥️ it could be hard for me, sometimes, to eat anything too rich. my stomach rebelled against it.
♥️ i remember stealing the boys’ gaming system in the middle of the night and playing until like 4am with evie in our room.
♥️ evie discovered what pillow forts were and we made so. Many. all the time.
♥️ carlos was very cuddly, jay was sort of stiff some days but a teddy bear others. evie loved snuggling up to basically anyone. they all melted my heart and had me cuddling close eventually.
♥️ there’s also some canon divergencies that i figure i’ll throw down here lightning-round style
--♥️ dude stopped talking about two weeks later. i didn’t make an endless truth-telling gummy, guys, haha. though … i might’ve told carlos that at first. it was funny, seeing him slowly wear down. but then dude stopped one morning, and carlos actually crushed me in a hug of relief.
--♥️ i didn’t surrender my spellbook. ben never asked me to. what he asked me to do – and what my actual crime was – was to stop lying about it, and stop hiding the fact that i was doing it. just like how i kept my lizard of a mother close to me even after all she’d done, i couldn’t give up the book. i simply used it much, much less, and tried to be more honest about my struggles and problems.
--♥️ evie also didn’t give up her magic mirror.
--♥️ it wasn’t as simple as me jumping back into the car and heading out of the isle with the others. ben and i had an argument in which he begged me to return, if only for a small while. i was extremely torn up about it, as i’d gone back to the isle in a desperate attempt to figure out who i was again. but eventually coaxed me into the vehicle, and we left together.
--♥️ as i said before, the straight hair wasn’t really a thing for me
if these memories sound familiar, please go to @teamrnjr on vent and comment "space between".
jane "eleven" ives
of stranger things.
found: hopper.
important: mike, dustin, will, joyce, jonathan, nancy.
♥️ to be added,
♥️ need to be formatted.
if these memories sound familiar, please go to @teamrnjr on vent and comment "mouth-breather".
natsuki of doki doki literature club
found: no one.
important: sayori, yuri.
these memories are going to be heavily triggering, due to the nature of the game. primary triggers are abuse (physical, emotional, + sexual), neglect, disordered eating ... et cetera.
self
♥️ my full name was enomoto natsuki.
♥️ my friends would sometimes call me suki.
♥️ i had ptsd, gad, and some pd-- i'm trying to pinpoint which. it was probably bpd, but i'm not certain.
♥️ writing more child-like poems made me happy because childlike innocence felt safe.
♥️ i also enjoyed the idea that something "cute" could be turned into something incredibly impactful, falling flat when you least expect it, concealing startling hidden depth underneath a false facade-- like myself.
♥️ i liked animals, despite not owning any. i would've owned a cat if i could've, something soft and fluffy.
♥️ i would sort of tremble when excited, like a vibrating cell phone.
♥️ i often played with my hair when nervous.
♥️ my palms would sweat when i was anxious (which was most of the time)-- another reason i didn't touch people.
abuse + home life
♥️ i was very small for my age due to being starved by my father, who did not keep food in the house and prepared me meals very irregularly.
♥️ whenever he did cook, i ate everything i could, and quickly. sometimes i would get sick, though i would always try to keep it down. sometimes i'd only eat a proper meal once or twice a week.
♥️ my father was very controlling, and allowed me almost no time outside of our home. i was only able to leave the house for school, and only managed to sneak out if my father worked a long shift.
♥️ i could not bring friends over, or even mention my friends around him.
♥️ he allowed me very little room to express myself, critiquing and putting down most of my interests.
♥️ this is why i hid my manga at school.
♥️ as much as i loved baking, it was difficult to ever really do it, due to aforesaid lack of food in the house.
♥️ since he also never gave me an allowance or anything, it was always scraping for coins in the couch or finding them on the ground outside that allowed me to eat otherwise.
♥️ it was always very embarrassing, so i tried to not let anyone see how excited i'd get upon finding the money, picking it up when no one was looking. i'd wash them in water fountains or bathroom sinks, then put them into my purse.
♥️ i'd be able to save up enough for either food at school, or the cheapest baking goods.
♥️ this was why i was very small, height-wise and weight-wise-- i was very malnourished. this is also a primary reason as to why i didn't enjoy being called "cute", because i resented my size very much.
♥️ i would fall asleep/collapse out of nowhere because i was just so weak and hungry.
♥️ my friends would give me snacks sometimes because of this, and though i would try to refuse, my stomach would all but twist just upon hearing the sound of a wrapper.
♥️ my father would beat me for very small things, hurting me severely if i didn't meet his expectations.
♥️ sometimes he would come home smelling terrible. those were the worst nights. because sometimes, he wouldn't just beat me-- he would force himself onto me. saying terrible things. making me feel like i was nothing.
♥️ he was always so careful to hide all of my injuries, though. either stopping and shifting before he made a mark, or placing those marks where clothing would easily keep them from being found-- my shoulders, my chest, my belly, my back, my thighs. et cetera.
♥️ i didn't like touching people or being touched, pretty much in any way. i would avoid hugs, holding hands, or even brushing shoulders, when i could.
♥️ sometimes it was because i was sore, sometimes it was just because i was scared of being hurt.
sayori
♥️ sayori was always so sunny and bright, i really did like her. sometimes i wished i could be as proud of who i was as she seemed to be.
♥️ i remember her hair looking really soft. if i'd been a more affectionate person, i feel like i would've tried to pet it.
♥️ she was the affectionate one-- she'd often try to hug and hold me, and i'd usually resist. it was sweet, and done out of love; i knew that. but that didn't mean every cell in my body wasn't screaming to be let go.
♥️ she had cute pencil toppers, sometimes she'd chew on them when she was nervous or thinking very hard.
♥️ she was also a fidgeter, often tapping her shoes on the floor, or on her desk and chair rungs.
♥️ i liked her poems the most of anyone in the literature club's, i think. they were the most similar to mine.
♥️ sometimes i envied how much she could eat. i never mentioned this to her, though, knowing my situation was hardly her fault.
yuri
♥️ yuri looked down on me because i didn't use bigger words like she did, and often stayed away from dark themes.
♥️ her saying my kind of work was a "waste" of a poem devastated me.
♥️ she also didn't think manga was real literature, and with it being a coping mechanism and special interest of mine, this very much fucked any attempt at a deeper friendship.
♥️ the worst part is that i really did respect and care about her, and thought she was very intelligent ... i just struggled with expressing myself, and she always made it so hard with how she viewed me as nothing but a stupid kid.
♥️ because of this, it was very hard to get close to her.
♥️ she made really nice tea, and it often complimented my baked goods.
♥️ i regret saying something so cruel about her self-harm. in all fairness, the three of us were suffering very much at the time due to monika's interferance, but even so, i shouldn't've said what i did.
♥️ i was just scared of her taking my one friend who actually accepted me, away from me.
monika
♥️ monika was pretty cool ... most of the time.
♥️ she said some very unsettling things sometimes, but she was a generally good person.
♥️ she was probably the one who gave me snacks the most, and i really appreciated that, even though she'd occasionally say cryptic things when giving them to me that made me feel a little uncomfortable.
♥️ she was very smart, and had a lot of talents. she was also extremely pretty.
♥️ her writing talents were incredible, and she had gorgeous handwriting.
♥️ her hands would shake a lot. i wondered if she was just always cold, or if it was more than that.
♥️ i feel like she was fairly wealthy? and i resented her for it, but again, didn't bring it up. both because i knew it was mean, and because i didn't want to complain or reveal just how bad my home life was.
♥️ she had a hidden temper that she tried not to show anyone.
♥️ sometimes we'd come into the literature club classroom, and i'd swear something was different about it. like a vase had been moved or something like that. i always used to think she'd broken whatever it was in a fit of rage.
main character/player
♥️ i feel like my mc was a taller person, but nothing too huge.
♥️ they either had dusty blonde hair, or some shade of brown. their eyes were on the darker side, but i can't pinpoint an exact color.
♥️ they had a very wry smile. all of their smiles were vaguely smirk-y.
♥️ they had very warm hands.
♥️ i really liked having them around, especially upon finding out that they liked manga. it felt like i finally had someone who could accept my interests.
♥️ i don't remember if i returned their crush or not, or if they even had a crush on me specifically, but i do know that they were very special to me. we were very close nonetheless.
if these memories sound familiar, please go to @teamrnjr on vent and comment "parfait girls".